Texty Time

Mom starts texting me saying it’s ten and I just say okay? And she said I’m gonna get her in trouble because I’m not home. So I walk out to the living room and confront her then she brings me into my room and says how grammy told her that I still wasn’t home or whatever and I told her that I came in and talked to her and Jessica AND my gram. She kept saying how she didn’t trust her own memory or whatever but then she wouldn’t let me ask my gram about it and starts crying asking if her brains messed up and I told her how I sometimes don’t remember what I eat in the morning and she cried and gave me a hug. So I walk out to get a glass of water and look at my gram and she looked away and didn’t say anything. Now mom is crying more saying she doesn’t want us to get like that sitting on my bed ._.

10:33PM Wed, Dec 4

To: Boo


A few things you should know:

My sister, mom, and I all live with my grandmother. However, I go to my boyfriend’s a lot. I do go over as much as possible, but I always come home at 8 or 8:30 on a school night. My mom is very much like my grandmother, and yes, her brain is messed up. She has epilepsy and has a lot of trouble with her memory now because of that. Both my grandmother and my mom like to start fires every once in a while so I have no idea who to believe this time because the look on my gram’s face kind of said she was guilty, but did my mother have part in it? Only God knows.

Around 7:30 p.m.:

Mom starts yelling at my 10-year-old sister for lying (for the 50 millionth time) and telling her the truth about her dad (we don’t have the same dad). How he took my older brother by the ankle, held him upside down, and dropped him on his head– almost breaking his neck. How he took him by the neck and slammed his face into a metal fence pole. How he called me a f* retard when I was, what, 6? I know some of the stories, like how he kicked my brother in the a* the one time he stood up to him and gave me $20 for “being the good kid.” God, I felt horrible. Not knowing what to do, I told him as we climbed the stairs that I’d give him ten of it.

But those first three things, I didn’t remember at all. Wow. I felt miserable and like I wanted to cry. So I had my boyfriend come pick me up for an hour.

Around 8:30 p.m.:

I get home, talk to mom. Threaten Jessica because she was threatening me (not seriously threatening, duh). Pig out on chocolate we’re supposed to be using for a gingerbread house.

My gram gets home and goes into the kitchen and I follow. I see that she’s making a PB&J sandwich (which is racist, you know. Look it up) so I say that I like the seeds in the jelly and she agrees. I get my glass of milk and leave. Then I get a shower and get to bed.

Around 10 p.m.:

All that wonderful BS mentioned in the text goes on. YAY.


My boobs have been sore, I’ve been having cramps, and my usually high level of tolerance for annoying things and people had been unusually low. My phone is about to expire. I have midterms coming up. And, it was the first day back to school from Thanksgiving break. Plus the exhaustion from not sleeping. Great day, right?

Is there anybody out there who understands what this is like?


I walk out into the living room for my iPod charger and she acts like everything is f* fine.


A Double Thanksgiving Dilemma

As commercials boast of early Christmas planning and I watch Generation Cryo, I think of my Turkey Day dilemma. Two dinners and one me… Yupp, I’m supposed to eat this feast at my own place with the blood family I hate and my future in-laws I love. Don’t get me wrong- I love my mom and grandmother in a love-hate relationship kind of way, it’s just that I can’t stand my cousins or my aunt. My mother and grandmother are hard enough as it is.

I know I should be thankful, especially around this season, for the little bit of family that I do know, but I can’t help but to feel my psychic powers shining through right now. I’m seeing plenty of visions of total chaos tomorrow. Me, I’ll be the only sane one. If only everyone knew what my family was like. Full of lying, faking, stealing, psychotic people.

My boyfriend’s family is pretty far out there, too, just not in the malicious kind of way my family is. His dad is the one doing the cooking, so the taste of the food won’t be very good at all, to put it bluntly. His half sister, her kids, and her husband are going to be there. I just met them yesterday. By the way, I’m extremely shy, unlike all of my boyfriend’s gregarious family. Oh, his brother will be there and he’s been pretty shy around the kids, too, so I won’t be too lonely. At least I’ll have someone to talk to Skyrim, GTA 5, and Call of Duty: Ghosts about.

*My boyfriend turned me into a gamer.*

I’m only 17 so of course I have to do what my mom says. What does this woman say? I can eat dinner at the house first and then go to his house. Hmm. My poor stomach. How will I be able two large dinners? Eat a little at both? That would be a wee bit hard because at 58 inches and 95 pounds, all it takes to fill me up is a glass of water and a salad.

The point of Thanksgiving is to be with the one’s you love and to be thankful for everything you have. Gratitude? I’m grateful for everything I have on a daily basis…

To be with the one’s I love? That’s all I’ve ever tried to do. I’ve tried beyond reasoning to earn the love I deserve from the blood family that’s supposed to love me unconditionally. I can’t work on a hopeless case anymore. It’s time to move forward. And that, I’m thankful for.