First off, I have to apologize for any typos or such things because my laptop is completely refusing to cooperate with WordPress, so I’m using my iPod, which hates my guts.
Anyway, I’m not going to spew out facts about Christianity or the Wiccan faith because in truth, I barely know anything about either religion. Ha, and I call myself a Christian. Non-denominational/progressive. I’m willing to bet my lack of knowledge plays tsp me role in all my confusion.
I’ve always been in love with the idea of magic and fantastical things, but Christianity just throws that right out the door. None, nada, zilch. Yet, it also throws my bisexuality right out too and that I can’t help and believe me that I tried, and still try sometimes. I have my wonderful Boo and I wouldn’t dream of having another mate, but when I see those pretty, half-naked girls on TV, that tingly feelings bubbles up. And like my being bi, I can’t help that I’m fascinated with magic and believing in the impossible.
Years ago, I was sooo into Wicca when I started learning about other religions. I was so tempted to try a spell, but remembering that it was a huge sin, I turned away from Wicca altogether. I love the idea of respecting and do no evil (it felt so right for me) and even enchanting things to benefit other people. But God was, and still is, more important.
Then why would God make it possible for us to use white magic. Yeah, He gave us free will and wants us to be good to Him and turn away from sorcery and all that, but what if He is changing just as we, humans, are? The Bible was written, physically, by man. Man is not perfect (neither is woman). Do we misinterpret what the Bible says? Was the Bible written inaccurately?
Other questions rise up, like, is magic even real? couldn’t magic all be in our heads, like the placebo effect? A spell may be said but the only thing that happened may be our brains tricking us into believing it so much that we think something happened.
Herbs. Herbs can be arranged to make medicine. Is medicine then a form of a potion and so then that be magic? Gah, this is all so confusing. What counts as magic and what doesn’t? What does God really mean and say, especially in this day and age?
What I want is to believe in the Holy Trinity and everything that God has taught me so far as well as what the Bible says. However, when I read about children who should be stoned for disobeying their parents, what I interpret it to be is children should be healthily punished for disobeying. I want to believe that everything has respect that I shouldn’t harm. I want to enchant gems to help those who can’t help themselves. Spells, well, those are still kind of a no since I don’t want an accident that may involve evil or the paranormal (I’ve had enough with evil and ghosts and stuff). I want to heal and help.
I was born from a woman who, in a way, practiced black magic. Black magic loves her. It wanted me to love it for a long time. Evil and corrupt, I stayed away and now I fend it off much easier these days. Yet I know with all that experience, something still touches me. I don’t know if empathy is anything evil in the Bible, but I’m an empath. And boy, oh, boy! Spirits just love me, especially since I radiate positive energy most of the time rather than soak in and again emit it.
Being an empath is going to take me down a path of healing as it does even today. I know how it feels to be at the very bottom. To be unloved and alone with no hope in sight. Hopeless. If I could enchant an object and tell someone it was enchanted to bring you joy, that could cause a spark of hope ignite into something brilliant and they could begin their journey of healing. I could lie. But I don’t believe in lying.
I planned this post much better and shorter in my head, but if anyone was able to understand this, then I really do hope that you understand that my mind is so boggled that I have no idea what I’m even typing anymore…
With that, I’m just going to leave off here…